At some point or another, we’ve all wondered whether or not we’d survive the Zombie Apocalypse (ZA). I took the time to try to understand why some would be successful while others would not. I’m sure I’m not the only one to wonder what it would take to survive the ZA, so I came up with a test...
I came up with the Zombie Apocalypse Personality Evaluation (ZAPE) after first thinking about which five personalities I thought would be some of the best to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. I also made sure that these five individuals came from various backgrounds.
After finding five good examples, I came up with the following criteria/attributes, which would determine success within the ZA.
Criteria of Success
- Resourcefulness: This one speaks for itself in a lot of ways, but the basic understanding of the definition is the individual’s ability to quickly find a solution to a problem. I have interpreted this in a few ways.
- Fearlessness: an individual’s ability to suppress his fears, doubts in order to achieve an objective.
- Situational Awareness: an individual’s ability to use all of their senses and talents to understand the environment he is in at the present moment in time.
- Physical Fitness: the status of an individual’s physique.
- Mental Fitness: the status of an individual’s mental abilities as well as mental well-being.
- Adaptability: the individual’s ability to adjust.
Now who were the five personalities that I chose? Here they and how they compared to one another:
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| Flip Flops: Zuckerberg's Achilles Heel |
5) Mark Zuckerberg (8.5):
Founder and CEO of the social media giant Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg has made a name for himself quickly over the past decade. With a current net worth is $17.5 billion, the creation of Facebook made him the youngest billionaire on the planet.[1]
Zuckerberg earned an overall score of 8.5 (scoring table listed below). As the founder of Facebook, he has proven that he is not only incredibly smart, but also increasingly cunning, which are a few of the reasons why he earned a 10 in the categories of resourcefulness, situational awareness, mental fitness, and adaptability. Meanwhile, in the categories of fearlessness and physical fitness he scored a 7 and a 4 respectively. To make the risks he made to create Facebook were commendable; however, in the bigger scheme of things it’s not the most fearless thing he could’ve possibly done in his life. At the time he made Facebook, he wasn’t the most fearless of men walking the planet. He made Facebook in a time of war, when men and women in uniform were risking their lives day in and out overseas. I’m sure if he were co-located with any of our service members overseas, he would have done the same – but until he proves he can survive extremely dangerous situations, he's stuck with a 7.
With regards to his physical fitness – any time I think of Zuckerberg, I think of him as portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg from The Social Network. A dorky dude wearing Adidas swimming pool sandals. He’s not known for his physicality, but for his brains and his audacity – and that says a lot about him.
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| Millan in his natural state (i.e. Chaos): Calm and Submissive |
4) Cesar Millan (9.3)
Awkward facial expression? That might be an accurate description of how you looked as soon as you read the Dog Whisperer’s name. So why him? It’s not just about his skills with dogs – that’s a microcosm to the big picture. I picked him because he understands natural order, which has enabled him to understand chaos in just about any situation. As someone who came to this country as an immigrant and is personally responsible for almost all of his own successes, he is definitely a very brave individual. These reasons, along with several others, are why Cesar scored a 10 in the categories of resourcefulness, situational awareness, mental fitness, and adaptability. He did fall a little bit short, however, in the categories of fearlessness and physical fitness (scoring an 8 in both categories). Like Zuckerberg, he’s not putting himself in the most dangerous of situations, but he has been known to mess with some of the worst dogs. Some of these dogs have been a danger to human beings, and he always rehabilitates these dogs by achieving his overall goal of “calm and submissive.” The only way he can enable a dog to rehabilitate to a submissive state is by forcing himself to remain calm, which he has proven to do so many times.
In terms of his physicality – his dedication towards helping dogs is quite extensive. Millan spends several hours every day (at least four according to his book Cesar's Way) ensuring that dogs under his care are incredibly fit; however, he is not an elite athlete, which is why he scored an 8.
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| McChrystal to Rambo: BREAK ROCKS! |
3) GEN (Retired) Stanley McChrystal (9.3)
Without a doubt, Rolling Stones magazine is greatly responsible for McChrystal’s downfall – regardless of the amount of truth within the article. After reading the article, I was only re-affirmed what I already knew – that McChrystal was a bad ass, however, cynical. What does this have to do with the ZAPE? He scored a 9.3 – and not because he was a cynic necessarily. I think the cynicism describes how personally feels about jumping through "unnecessary political hoops" or tasks that are a waste of time. He’s not a politician, but more of a "salty sea dog," as I like to say; a real person whose life experiences would make your head explode. Let’s lay out all the chips from square one:
- He was born in Fort Leavenworth, KS. For those of you who have seen Rambo II – and this isn’t far from the truth – that’s where the Army’s penitentiary is. Legend has it that McChrystal beat the crap out of Rambo when he wouldn’t break rocks with his sledgehammer… Allegedly.
McChyrstal has spent almost his entire career within Special Operations Command. Of the six brigade sized elements under which he served, only two of them weren’t Special Ops – and the two that weren’t were units where soldiers hump heavy rucksacks and run until the cows come home… for fun. Or at least he tried to make them think that way (which isn’t a bad thing.)- He is incredibly fit, especially for his age. This man doesn’t underwrite the necessity of staying in great physical shape. When you proceed to type the phrase “McChrystal runs” within the Google Search engine, Google has a default to immediately search for “McChrystal runs 7 to 8 miles a day.” Did I mention he’s 57? It makes me wonder what he was like when he was at his physical prime.
- McChrystal’s only weaknesses were the categories situational awareness and adaptability, where he scored an 8. I might be cheating him out of 10s, but I expect a lot out him. The storm that was unleashed as a result of that The Rolling Stones article happened because he let his guard down, which ended up killing his career. He was awarded an 8 only because I cannot confirm whether or not he deliberately put himself in a position where the journalist would capture him at a “vulnerable” state. Really though—the dude is a complete bad ass, and when the Zombie Apocalypse takes place, whoever is within 100 meters of him should do alright.
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| Ball Hawk: nickname describing his level of play |
2) Troy Polamalu (10)
For those that don’t know me, I am a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, and likewise I am huge Troy Polamalu fan. If I was an NFL owner 10 years ago, and the NFL COMPLETELY re-drafted all of the players actively playing at the time – I would pick him first. The reasons that make him an awesome football player, are the reasons that make him an awesome person, the ideal person I BELIEVE would easily survive the Zombie Apocalypse. These reasons are as follows:
- His dynamic playing style makes the Steelers defense incredibly difficult to read. Not only can he play the pass rush really well, but the seven-time Pro-Bowler has made clutch interceptions in some of the Steelers biggest games. Here are some videos demonstrating how flexible he is on the football field.
- Steelers vs. Tennessee Titans – 2009
Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens - 2010- Just YouTube search simple phrases "Troy Polamalu sack" or "Troy Polamalu intereception" and just count how many videos come up... his fearless playing style shows just how adaptable he his.
- The most important reason why Polamalu scored so well on the ZAPE was simply because of how humble of a human being he is in the bigger scheme of things. He works hard in EVERY aspect of his life and is incredibly successful because of it. Here's a video demonstrating what kind of a person he is.
To sum up my reasoning for giving Troy Polamalu a perfect score: he not only is the lynch pin to the Pittsburgh Steelers defense (arguably the most consistently top-performing defense in the NFL today), but he’s a role model off the field, which is a by-product of his good nature and compatibility with social contracts (i.e. civil laws and statutes) of today’s world. Everyday, I learn something about him -- how he contributes to the Steelers on the field, the city of Pittsburgh off the field -- and his example continues to impress me. He’s that type of individual.
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| Bear Grylls: Man versus ALL Extreme Scenarios |
1) Bear Grylls (10)
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Did I cheat myself out of trying to find a more original example? Maybe. (NOTE: Survivor Man has not been forgotten. More on the differences between the two later...) But you can’t deny how capable this man is. If you’ve watched one episode of Man versus Wild, you know that he’s incredibly capable of adapting to any situation surrounding him. He knows how to live off of his surroundings, and he can make the most incapable individuals capable. In one episode, he “teamed up” with Will Ferrell.
(NOTE: Will Ferrell might be a comedian –and I realize in saying this it might kill the example – but he actually does kind of care about his own physical fitness and well-being AKA Google Search “Will Ferrell marathons”)
Grylls found solutions that not only enabled him to survive, but Ferrell as well. (Bear Grylls showed Will Ferrell that he brought two Twinkies as an emergency ration at the very beginning of the episode. Grylls walked away and Ferrell ate both immediately. Even as Ferrell made things difficult for them to survive, they still were very successful.) Bear Grylls is definitely a guy who lives in the top 1% in terms of being awesome at life. I’m sure the guy could write a comprehensive survival manual that the weakest could survive by just reading it.
Why is the ZAPE relevant?
The ZAPE is relevant because it enables us all to understand what attributes are the most important when there aren’t any “crutches” as provided by public establishments within society today. For whatever reason, the accepted narrative of the Zombie Apocalypse is that there won’t be a central government and that life will be in complete disorder and chaos. (For those that believe in a society that is completely dependent upon the existence of a strong central government, you might want to reconsider this belief. Do you think it wise to invest in something that is just going to disintegrate when you need it the most…? I'll discuss this at another time.) When order hits the metaphorical fan, the people that will survive are the ones that have a strong sense of order within themselves. I truly believe that these five people will do better than your average person in the Zombie Apocalypse not because they’re incredibly in shape, but because they’ve put themselves in positions where they’re level of vulnerability is incredibly low. These five individuals are strong willed, and I think the six criteria is what defines being strong willed.
NOTE TO THE READER: These five people aren't THE TOP FIVE of ALL THE PEOPLE in the world -- they're just good examples for the time being. You'll later see me throw in better examples, and -- for humor -- terrible examples.
SCORING TABLE:
| Name | Resourcefulness | Fearless | Situational Awareness | Physically Fit | Mentally Fit | Adaptability | Score |
| Mark Zuckerberg | 10 | 7 | 10 | 4 | 10 | 10 | 8.5 |
| Cesar Millan | 10 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 9.33333333 |
| GEN (Ret.) Stanley McChrystal | 10 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 9.33333333 |
| Bear Grylls | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
| Troy Polamalu | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
[1]http://www.forbes.com/profile/mark-zuckerberg/
This is the next big thing! A series of movies!
ReplyDeleteI never really thought of it that way. The odd combination actually sounds like it would make a good film. Note taken.
ReplyDelete