The Zombie Apocalypse Personality Evaluation (BETA Version)

At some point or another, we’ve all wondered whether or not we’d survive the Zombie Apocalypse (ZA). I took the time to try to understand why some would be successful while others would not. I’m sure I’m not the only one to wonder what it would take to survive the ZA, so I came up with a test...

I came up with the Zombie Apocalypse Personality Evaluation (ZAPE) after first thinking about which five personalities I thought would be some of the best to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. I also made sure that these five individuals came from various backgrounds.

After finding five good examples, I came up with the following criteria/attributes, which would determine success within the ZA.

Criteria of Success

1. Resourcefulness: This one speaks for itself in a lot of ways, but the basic understanding of the definition is the individual’s ability to quickly find a solution to a problem. I have interpreted this in a few ways.
2. Fearlessness: an individual’s ability to suppress his fears, doubts in order to achieve an objective.
3. Situational Awareness: an individual’s ability to use all of their senses and talents to understand the environment he is in at the present moment in time.
4. Physical Fitness: the status of an individual’s physique.
5. Mental Fitness: the status of an individual’s mental abilities as well as mental well-being.
6. Adaptability: the individual’s ability to adjust.

Now who were the five personalities that I chose? Here they and how they compared to one another:



Flip Flops: Zuckerberg's Achilles Heel



5) Mark Zuckerberg (8.5):

Founder and CEO of the social media giant Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg has made a name for himself quickly over the past decade. With a current net worth is $17.5 billion, the creation of Facebook made him the youngest billionaire on the planet.[1]

Zuckerberg earned an overall score of 8.5 (scoring table listed below). As the founder of Facebook, he has proven that he is not only incredibly smart, but also increasingly cunning, which are a few of the reasons why he earned a 10 in the categories of resourcefulness, situational awareness, mental fitness, and adaptability. Meanwhile, in the categories of fearlessness and physical fitness he scored a 7 and a 4 respectively. To make the risks he made to create Facebook were commendable; however, in the bigger scheme of things it’s not the most fearless thing he could’ve possibly done in his life. At the time he made Facebook, he wasn’t the most fearless of men walking the planet. He made Facebook in a time of war, when men and women in uniform were risking their lives day in and out overseas. I’m sure if he were co-located with any of our service members overseas, he would have done the same – but until he proves he can survive extremely dangerous situations, he's stuck with a 7.

With regards to his physical fitness – any time I think of Zuckerberg, I think of him as portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg from The Social Network. A dorky dude wearing Adidas swimming pool sandals. He’s not known for his physicality, but for his brains and his audacity – and that says a lot about him.



Millan in his natural state (i.e. Chaos): Calm and Submissive



4) Cesar Millan (9.3)

Awkward facial expression? That might be an accurate description of how you looked as soon as you read the Dog Whisperer’s name. So why him? It’s not just about his skills with dogs – that’s a microcosm to the big picture. I picked him because he understands natural order, which has enabled him to understand chaos in just about any situation. As someone who came to this country as an immigrant and is personally responsible for almost all of his own successes, he is definitely a very brave individual. These reasons, along with several others, are why Cesar scored a 10 in the categories of resourcefulness, situational awareness, mental fitness, and adaptability. He did fall a little bit short, however, in the categories of fearlessness and physical fitness (scoring an 8 in both categories). Like Zuckerberg, he’s not putting himself in the most dangerous of situations, but he has been known to mess with some of the worst dogs. Some of these dogs have been a danger to human beings, and he always rehabilitates these dogs by achieving his overall goal of “calm and submissive.” The only way he can enable a dog to rehabilitate to a submissive state is by forcing himself to remain calm, which he has proven to do so many times.

In terms of his physicality – his dedication towards helping dogs is quite extensive. Millan spends several hours every day (at least four according to his book Cesar's Way) ensuring that dogs under his care are incredibly fit; however, he is not an elite athlete, which is why he scored an 8.



McChrystal to Rambo: BREAK ROCKS!



3) GEN (Retired) Stanley McChrystal (9.3)

Without a doubt, Rolling Stones magazine is greatly responsible for McChrystal’s downfall – regardless of the amount of truth within the article. After reading the article, I was only re-affirmed what I already knew – that McChrystal was a bad ass, however, cynical. What does this have to do with the ZAPE? He scored a 9.3 – and not because he was a cynic necessarily. I think the cynicism describes how personally feels about jumping through "unnecessary political hoops" or tasks that are a waste of time. He’s not a politician, but more of a "salty sea dog," as I like to say; a real person whose life experiences would make your head explode. Let’s lay out all the chips from square one:

1. He was born in Fort Leavenworth, KS. For those of you who have seen Rambo II – and this isn’t far from the truth – that’s where the Army’s penitentiary is. Legend has it that McChrystal beat the crap out of Rambo when he wouldn’t break rocks with his sledgehammer… Allegedly.
2. 
   McChyrstal has spent almost his entire career within Special Operations Command. Of the six brigade sized elements under which he served, only two of them weren’t Special Ops – and the two that weren’t were units where soldiers hump heavy rucksacks and run until the cows come home… for fun. Or at least he tried to make them think that way (which isn’t a bad thing.)
3. He is incredibly fit, especially for his age. This man doesn’t underwrite the necessity of staying in great physical shape. When you proceed to type the phrase “McChrystal runs” within the Google Search engine, Google has a default to immediately search for “McChrystal runs 7 to 8 miles a day.” Did I mention he’s 57? It makes me wonder what he was like when he was at his physical prime.
4. McChrystal’s only weaknesses were the categories situational awareness and adaptability, where he scored an 8. I might be cheating him out of 10s, but I expect a lot out him. The storm that was unleashed as a result of that The Rolling Stones article happened because he let his guard down, which ended up killing his career. He was awarded an 8 only because I cannot confirm whether or not he deliberately put himself in a position where the journalist would capture him at a “vulnerable” state. Really though—the dude is a complete bad ass, and when the Zombie Apocalypse takes place, whoever is within 100 meters of him should do alright.



Ball Hawk: nickname describing his level of play



2) Troy Polamalu (10)

For those that don’t know me, I am a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, and likewise I am huge Troy Polamalu fan. If I was an NFL owner 10 years ago, and the NFL COMPLETELY re-drafted all of the players actively playing at the time – I would pick him first. The reasons that make him an awesome football player, are the reasons that make him an awesome person, the ideal person I BELIEVE would easily survive the Zombie Apocalypse. These reasons are as follows:

1. His dynamic playing style makes the Steelers defense incredibly difficult to read. Not only can he play the pass rush really well, but the seven-time Pro-Bowler has made clutch interceptions in some of the Steelers biggest games. Here are some videos demonstrating how flexible he is on the football field.
1. Steelers vs. Buffalo Bills - 2010
2. Steelers vs. Tennessee Titans – 2009
3. 
   Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens - 2010  
4. Just YouTube search simple phrases "Troy Polamalu sack" or "Troy Polamalu intereception" and just count how many videos come up... his fearless playing style shows just how adaptable he his.


2.  The most important reason why Polamalu scored so well on the ZAPE was simply because of how humble of a human being he is in the bigger scheme of things. He works hard in EVERY aspect of his life and is incredibly successful because of it. Here's a video demonstrating what kind of a person he is.
   

He is the peaceful warrior, and his discipline is unmatched by most of the people playing at the professional level. If you’re close to Troy Polamalu, you can guarantee that you’ll be quite alright in the ZA.

To sum up my reasoning for giving Troy Polamalu a perfect score: he not only is the lynch pin to the Pittsburgh Steelers defense (arguably the most consistently top-performing defense in the NFL today), but he’s a role model off the field, which is a by-product of his good nature and compatibility with social contracts (i.e. civil laws and statutes) of today’s world. Everyday, I learn something about him -- how he contributes to the Steelers on the field, the city of Pittsburgh off the field -- and his example continues to impress me. He’s that type of individual.



Bear Grylls: Man versus ALL Extreme Scenarios



1) Bear Grylls (10)
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Did I cheat myself out of trying to find a more original example? Maybe. (NOTE: Survivor Man has not been forgotten. More on the differences between the two later...) But you can’t deny how capable this man is. If you’ve watched one episode of Man versus Wild, you know that he’s incredibly capable of adapting to any situation surrounding him. He knows how to live off of his surroundings, and he can make the most incapable individuals capable. In one episode, he “teamed up” with Will Ferrell.

(NOTE: Will Ferrell might be a comedian –and I realize in saying this it might kill the example – but he actually does kind of care about his own physical fitness and well-being AKA Google Search “Will Ferrell marathons”)

Grylls found solutions that not only enabled him to survive, but Ferrell as well. (Bear Grylls showed Will Ferrell that he brought two Twinkies as an emergency ration at the very beginning of the episode. Grylls walked away and Ferrell ate both immediately. Even as Ferrell made things difficult for them to survive, they still were very successful.) Bear Grylls is definitely a guy who lives in the top 1% in terms of being awesome at life. I’m sure the guy could write a comprehensive survival manual that the weakest could survive by just reading it.

Why is the ZAPE relevant?

The ZAPE is relevant because it enables us all to understand what attributes are the most important when there aren’t any “crutches” as provided by public establishments within society today. For whatever reason, the accepted narrative of the Zombie Apocalypse is that there won’t be a central government and that life will be in complete disorder and chaos. (For those that believe in a society that is completely dependent upon the existence of a strong central government, you might want to reconsider this belief. Do you think it wise to invest in something that is just going to disintegrate when you need it the most…? I'll discuss this at another time.) When order hits the metaphorical fan, the people that will survive are the ones that have a strong sense of order within themselves. I truly believe that these five people will do better than your average person in the Zombie Apocalypse not because they’re incredibly in shape, but because they’ve put themselves in positions where they’re level of vulnerability is incredibly low. These five individuals are strong willed, and I think the six criteria is what defines being strong willed.

NOTE TO THE READER: These five people aren't THE TOP FIVE of ALL THE PEOPLE in the world -- they're just good examples for the time being. You'll later see me throw in better examples, and -- for humor -- terrible examples.

SCORING TABLE:

Name	Resourcefulness	Fearless	Situational Awareness	Physically Fit	Mentally Fit	Adaptability	Score
Mark Zuckerberg	10	7	10	4	10	10	8.5
Cesar Millan	10	8	10	8	10	10	9.33333333
GEN (Ret.) Stanley McChrystal	10	10	8	10	10	8	9.33333333
Bear Grylls	10	10	10	10	10	10	10
Troy Polamalu	10	10	10	10	10	10	10

[1]http://www.forbes.com/profile/mark-zuckerberg/

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Zombie Survival Tips

Click on the links below for a more detailed explanation

1) Maintain Optimism
2) Maintain the (Moral) High Ground
3) 3 to 1

Zombie Survival Tip #3 - "3 to 1"

             With all the valuable training I’ve ever received throughout my time in the Army, the most valuable learning experience was definitely during my time at US Army Ranger School. The Ranger Instructors (RIs) consistently put you in scenarios where you have to think and react quickly. Most importantly, if you develop a good plan ahead of time, you don’t have to think. One of the most basic concepts I’ve ever learned was to understand the meaning of 3:1 ratio.

Ranger students and Instructors wading through the swamps of Florida in the vicinity of Eglin Air Force Base. Graduates are some of the most prepared individuals for the pending Zombie Apocalypse.

Sun Tzu: Zombie Killer

ALLEGEDLY the idea of 3:1 comes from Sun Tzu. I say allegedly because I have yet to find it in The Art of War, but more on that later.[1] Anyhow, this explains most of the stuff the US Army teaches and organizes down to the most basic level (i.e. Light Infantry Platoons have three squads.) Battle Drill 1A – the most basic drill taught to all maneuvering units in the field – breaks down the whole unit into three components: 2 assault elements, 1 supporting element.

To compensate for a loss in numbers, soldiers have a wide array of weapons to compensate for that shortcoming. In the basic Fire Team – composed of four soldiers – two soldiers will be equipped with the standard M4 assault rifle, one will have an M4 assault rifle with an M203 grenade launcher attached, and the last will be equipped with the M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW). So how does this make for a shortcoming in physical numbers? Think of it in terms such as these: the most basic weapon in the Army is the M4. If you had 3 soldiers with an M4, the most ideal situation would be one enemy. If one of those soldiers had an M203, they could deal MORE damage than the three soldiers with just M4s. Now throw an M249 in the mix and you can multiply the combat effectiveness of that team even more so based on the capabilities of the SAW.

M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW) – capable of firing at a rate of 850 rounds per minute.

What does this have to do with Zombies? EVERYTHING!

Zombies are no different than your typical enemy within a linear combat situation. They’re very reminiscent of the way the British and original American colonials fought during the American Revolution – open field, face to face. It’s very fortunate for the living that we no longer fight like that because we would wipe the floor with them. Zombies will walk out in a linear formation unbeknownst to their own undead psyche as soldiers did before the advent of (we’ll just call it for now--) “more modern combat.” They’re very much automated, which enables us to calculate their movements. They’re dictated by one thing only, and that is to eat the living. They don’t process choice like we do, but rather that one mandate. So while the option is still ours, we can still make choices to our advantage – including how to maneuver towards them or how to break contact.

If 3:1 is in your favor, then take advantage of it and try to destroy the Zombies. If it favors the Undead, then regroup before you waste anymore of your time.

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[1]I eventually found a website called www.suntzusaid.com where he makes references of divisions in threes. You can read about it here: http://suntzusaid.com/book/7. I’m going to keep digging once I’m done here.

Zombie Survival Tip #2 – Always Keep the High Ground

This one should be obvious, but in a very complex world this rule is often ignored. There are three ways to look at this: tactical, operational, and strategic. Sunflower seed, almond, walnut. Small, medium, large. Are we tracking so far?

Tactical Implications of Maintaining the High Ground in the Zombie Apocalypse: well, let’s just say how it is – Zombies can’t climb. They’re slow, unenergetic and LOVE gravitational pull (so to speak.) If you’ve ever gone backpacking and observed the great outdoors as I have (from mountaintops), I probably don’t need to explain to you why the high ground is so important. For those that haven’t – you can see more the higher you go. If this is something you already know, don’t take offense – I’m just reminding you of what you already know. So if you’re in a very pressing situation, upward and onward – and fast! Bottom-line-up-front (BLUF): Look after yourself now so you can do more tomorrow. Live today, fight tomorrow.

Operational Implications of Maintaining the High Ground in the Zombie Apocalypse: Establishing a ground network is very important. Let’s say you’re barricaded or fortified within a serious of two-story buildings. You could even say that these two-story buildings are two level homes. Zombies can’t climb – so what do you do? You completely shut off access to the first floor. Problem solved? Not quite. If you’re in a house that’s completely surrounded by Zombies – you’ve got nowhere to go. You’ve just painted yourself in a corner. (NOTE TO THE READER: DO NOT ESTABLISH YOURSELF IN A TWO-LEVEL HOME FOR A LENGTHY PERIOD OF TIME.) Realistically, find a corporate building, one that’s completely abandoned. If the water is running, you’re in luck – but don’t expect this water to last for a long time. If you’re lucky, it’ll last a week (a factor which is completely dependent upon how your city runs its water treatment facilities, etc. In other words, start looking it up!) If you’re in this building, you can spread out with large groups of people. If you have roof access, even better because you can grow crops from said rooftop provided you establish a sufficient irrigation system. You’re basically turning the building into a modern day medieval castle. The bigger the building, the longer you can hold out during the Zombie Apocalypse – but remember: you have to work, you have to plan, and you have to anticipate. To set up a large building – say the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL – would take MONTHS, if not a whole year! Remember my advice back in Tip #1 – you’re more likely to survive in greater numbers, and in this scenario that maxim couldn’t be truer. BLUF: Let’s get our hands dirty so we can make it to the next month.

Strategic Implications of Maintaining the High Ground in the Zombie Apocalypse: Let’s say you’ve successfully built up, maintained, and prepared three corporate buildings in an urban environment. How many years have passed? Two to four probably. If you’ve made it two years, you’re good to go. You might be bitter and miserable, but really – why should you be? Chuck Darwin is probably giving you the thumbs up with much approval, and he’s probably put his mortgage on you, betting that you’ll outlast the next 10 years. You’re definitely doing well, and you need ensure that you have social contracts in place to protect you. What am I talking about? Laws. Regulations. Good habits. If you’re in the United States, your best bet is probably to keep what everyone knows – or at least should know: The Constitution. It worked out for Europe when the Roman Empire fell – (that is if you believe Rome actually fell.) Governors still maintained control over their territories. Roman roads were still being used. Roman currency was still being exchanged. When the Zombie Apocalypse takes place (yes, I said when…) – there won’t be a central government as there was none at the fall of the Roman Empire. Some Americans believe that the Federal Government is always looking after these people – and you know what I call these people? Unprepared. Dead. Zombies. Darwin’s F Students. Hopefully, the Zombies will have taken care of a good number of these people, but we can only be so optimistic. That’s why you need to strongly adhere to your social contracts. If people don’t pull their weight, you might as well be dead. So stick to the moral high ground. Maintain that which is already established.

Technical notes:

1) When the Zombie Apocalypse first takes place, satellites will still be orbiting the Earth. GPS and UHF radio signals will still be pretty handy and they work best on the high ground. If established civilizations are still up and running, you’re more likely to establish communication with other people if you control the high ground.

Are you fit for the Zombie Apocalypse? "Run For Your Lives"

Fitness is definitely key to ensure your own survival during the Zombie Apocalypse. Here's one event you can prepare yourself for to see how you'd fare during dawn of the dead...

CLICK HERE: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

Zombie Survival Tip #1 - Maintain Optimism

Let this advice guide you when the Zombie Apocalypse takes place.

Zombie Survival Tip #1 - Maintain Optimism

When the Zombie Apocalypse arrives, it will take everyone by surprise. An unpleasant surprise, no doubt, and the most unpleasant surprises will stress you out, which is why you must do everything you can to be optimistic.

This isn't to say that you should be so optimistic that you shouldn't be realistic at all (i.e. assuming that the apocalypse will end quickly.) Embrace the most terrible concept of this apocalypse, and then move on. Forget all that saddens you. All that disappoints you.

Embrace a new beginning, and a new opportunity to start new. If before the Apocalypse you once lived a life that was miserable and completely disappointing, then use this as a chance as a do-over. If, on the other hand, you lived an amazing life, then use this as a new beginning to recreate your past successes.

If you're religious, keep it near and dear. If you're not, give yourself purpose (if you haven't already.) Find whatever motivations you need to get you through to the next day, and I would highly recommend that you ensure that your motivations benefit not only you, but those around you - because in the end strength in numbers will help you. 

Zombie Case Study video declassified

This film was declassified following a lengthy AAR session at the Pentagon. More videos to follow....

 

Schools Back in Session, Some Close Immediately After Opening

A recent advisory has gone out in the state of Texas warning families not to return to pick up their children so soon. Bad shipments of processed Texas beef have been used to feed some of these children at schools, which have turned schools into bio-hazardous areas. Children and school nurses have especially become sick - and while many of the nurses have not been consuming said beef, arriving in the form of hamburgers and cheeseburgers, they have been in contact with many of these ailing children. Nothing yet has been confirmed surrounding some of these schools - but it has been suspected that these children have indeed been biting some of the faculty and administration. Army National Guard units have immediately begun to activate elements to prevent anymore people from entering some of these schools... in the meanwhile, if you have children in some of these schools, try to contact them immediately as some of these schools have been quarantined.